It was in the morning of October 5 when I received the news that you made it and finally able to say, “Hello to heaven!”
Like what most of your friends
reacted (at dahil isa ako dun) we couldn’t believe. At dahil ‘di talaga
nagsisink-in sa utak ko, I asked one of your dearest leader na ‘di nagsasawang
alagaan ka. I thought, ‘For sure sya alam nya.’ And so I asked, “anong
nangyari, boss?” (‘boss’ is our call sign)
And the rest was the
truth-hurts-but-you-must-face-it-anyway stage.
“Wala na si lem.”
I really didn’t know what to
reply to that four-word-yet-so-shocking news so I said, “Aww. Huuggggg, boss. :(”
He responded, “Bakit ganun boss.”
I knew how it feels, the series
of questions, the whys, the hows, the regrets and everything. I knew what’s
going through with his family. I knew it. Because I was once like them. And
mind you, no word can describe the pain. Likewise, no word can bring the total
comfort. Total comfort from the reality of life na wala ka na. Plus the fact
that after your burial days, we will never see and we will never be with your
physical body again. Yung pagkamiss sa unforgettable moments with you sa bahay,
sa church, sa school, in every celebration, sa Christmas, New Year, family
reunions, and everything. Wala nang lahat. Wala na.
“God’s will, boss. God’s will.”
I replied.
After that, I chose to remain
silent. My principle is that since I knew that I can’t really comfort them with
my words, I must (at least) not add to the sadness that they feel. So I just reminded him
that it is still the will of God. (though I’m not sure if those words brought
even a bit comfort)
But even though I said that, I must
confess this: I can’t blame his leader. When I was in that situation, I asked
the same. And now, as I remain silent, I’m also asking God why.
“Dad, do you remember the faith
of this boy? Grabe nga yung faith nya e. Even though tinapat na sya ng doctor
na 20% na lang ang chance nyang gumaling, lumaban pa rin sya e. naaalala Mo po
ba nung sinabi nya kay tita na, “nay, kapag gumaling na ako babalik ako sa
ospital na yun. Magtetestimony ako kung pa’no ako pinagaling ni God.” Sobra
kong na-inspire sa sinabi nya na yun. Dad, ang prayer ko lang naman po nun ‘wag
Mo po sanang i-fail ang faith ng batang yun. But why is this happening?
Nag-fail ka po ba sa faith Nya? Pati yung faith ng mga tao sa paligid nya?
Bakit, Dad?”
And it took me how many days to
realize everything.
Honestly, when I visited Lem, as
I knew his situation and how he reacted on those, I had another view from God
about faith. Marami akong nalaman, marami akong natutunan from him na hindi ko
natutunan kahit noong nasa ganoong situation ako. And God is continuously
revealing more to me by leading me to the one of the famous chapters in the
Bible that tackles about faith.
“Faith is the assurance that the
things we hope for will actually happen.” – Hebrews 11:1
Yes everybody wants him to be
healed. Everybody wants Lem to join the worship time again, to go back into his
ordinary life, to use again his talents for the glory of God, to attend youth
gatherings, to go to school, to talk, laugh and eat with us again but on top of
that, Lem’s heart is desiring for God’s will to be done. And his great desire
took place.
‘I’m not yet convinced.’ I told
myself.
So I read the whole chapter. The
author stated the names of the people who had their faith that set them above
the crowd. Then the verse 13-16 became a rhema to me. As for me, this made me realize the real meaning of faith.
“Each one of these people of
faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How
did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance, waved their greeting, and
accepted the fact that they were transients in this world. People who live this
way make it plain that they are looking for their true home. If they were
homesick for the old country, they could have gone back any time they wanted.
But they were after a far better country than that – heaven country. You can
see why God is so proud of them, and has a City waiting for them.” – Hebrews
11:13-16
Nasabi ko na lang, “Grabe, Lem.
Eto pala yun. This is how your faith sets you above the crowd. You physically
died and not yet having in your hand what was promised, yet you still believe
anyway. Nakita mo na ‘to pero kahit masakit, tinanggap mo. Grabe yung faith mo.
You’ll never know kung gaano ako nainspire nito personally and I believe,
maraming ibang tao rin ang nainspire dito. Sobrang proud kami sayo. And ang
nakakatuwa pa dun e, mas proud si Lord sayo. At hindi lang room in heaven ang
naghihintay sayo. City ang naghihintay sayo.”
And with that, bigla tuloy akong
nainggit. Haha. Parang gusto ko na rin, Dad. Pero sabi Nya, ‘sa tamang
panahon.’
I’m amazed how God really moves
through and in every situation. He uses every bit of happening to reveal
something. And that something’s for our good.
Nauna ka lang mag-hello to heaven
sa’min, Lem. Nauna lang ng konti yung tamang panahon mo. Pero yung impact ng
faith mo na naiwan mo samen, lagi naming babaunin yun. See you very soon. We
will miss you! ^_^
