Beating The Red Light

Imagine yourself driving your own car while hurrying to a very special appointment or in a ‘take it or leave it’ business meeting when suddenly you saw the stop light from green to yellow turning red -- 80 kph transformed into 100 kph. Two circumstances await you, either you will beat the red light or you will lose the deal. Which of which will you choose?

In our world, beating the red light isn’t good to hear. Yes, it’s a traffic violation. Indeed, there’s an appropriate sanction when you commit it. But what is this ‘beating the red light’ means for us, Christians? Especially for those UMYF who attended the Christmas Institute 2015? :)

This red light represents everything that stops us from growing and doing the will of God for us. Personally, I don’t have any idea on how God will reveal what He wants me to learn in this CI. This is one of the drawbacks of being a staff – you’re so busy to the point that sometimes, you’re not able to attend on some sessions. But God is faithful, He moved far beyond what I imagined. He moved in different ways. And I love those. He made me experienced those red lights during the CI itself.

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   The Red Light of Complaints

No beddings and utensils provided, not enough comfort rooms for the delegates, not enough rice, very hot weather, too early dawn watch, so tiring sessions, too far rooms from the session hall, and other complaints I heard from other delegates and some were from myself. But, CI is not a vacation time anyway or not a sacrificial retreat either. It’s definitely one of the great times to know more of God and have fellowship with His people.

 The Red Light of Expectations

Before CI, some of us expect that there will be a time for us to unwind and escape from this world of difficulties but it’s not. We expect this one and that one and it didn’t happen so we end up being frustrated. Don’t get me wrong. Expectations are good as long as you’re expecting from God. God loves to meet our expectations for Him. When we started to expect from people, that’s the very moment we start to be frustrated.

I’m glad our CI isn’t perfect. Because from that, I learned to expect from God on how He will show His glory despite of all the imperfections.

·         The red light of Busy-ness

As a staff, there are moments that you will miss some sessions, you will eat and sleep either late or not at all and other things that you’re not experiencing before (high five to other CI Staffs out there). You’re tired, hungry and not yet sleeping but still, you have to continue what you’re doing and no one can stop you until CI is totally finished. There are moments that you will feel over fatigued and you lose temper easily especially if things are not going the way you want it to be.

Want to know the solution for this? Pray together. It really works. Thank God that it’s not too late for us to realize that.

·        The red light of  Fear and Discouragements

Since first night, I really feel pressured because I’m going to lead the last night. Seriously, it’s really a pressure to lead hundreds of young people towards worshipping God. I mean, it’s a great privilege for me but a great responsibility at the same time. I feel I can’t. I lost all my self-confidence and start to doubt myself. “Ako ba talaga ang will Mo for this, Lord? Pwede naman pong iba na lang, kaya naman nila, sila na lang po.” (“Do you really want me for this, Lord? Other people can do this, please just choose them.”) Every after big night, my mind says “Sila tapos na sa kaba, ako ilang araw pa,” (“They are already finished with the pressures but I’m not. I have more days to feel it,”) and I had arguments with God over and over again.

Then it came one session that tackled about vision. God made me remember the dream He planted in my heart when I was seven years old -- I wanted to be one of the lead vocals in Hillsong Philippines! Yes, sounds funny but I dreamt about that. I imagine myself singing and leading many people into worship. With that, God encouraged me to believe in myself that we can do this because that’s also a fulfillment of my childhood dream. I will sing as if I’m the lead vocals and worship as if my team is like Hillsong.

Throughout the day, I experienced discouragements and start to argue with God again. I stated all my excuses for God to choose other people. I even stated, “Lord, puyat ako. Mahirap kumanta. Baka pwede po iba na lang.” But God answered me through giving me an opportunity to lead the execoms and staffs into worship at 1 o’clock in the morning during our quiet time together. I just said, “Lord, grabe Ka talaga.”

After our quiet time, I felt the calmness. I learned to entrust everything to God and realized that oppressions were coming because God’s gonna do something great.

That last night, everything went great according to His will. He intervened; He used me like never before. That night was a breakthrough.

And that breakthrough was actually a green light for me. A green light of vision God gave for me. Three years ago, my prayer partner shared to me a vision that God made her see. She had a vision about me with my hand raised high, leading hundreds of people towards worshipping God. Three years ago, it doesn’t make any sense. To be honest, I and my prayer partner already forgot about that. It’s been years anyway. But God made us remember. My prayer partner was supposed to take a picture for one of our guitarists when she accidentally captured my image with my left hand raised.

While she was browsing her gallery that night, she thought that a particular image was familiar. Feels like the left and right hemisphere of her brain said ‘yes’ at the same time. Then, she remembered the vision. The moment she shared to me this green light of vision, I felt the spirit of God that made me cry and my heart beat faster. That moment was the time that God commanded me to just close my eyes and raise my hand.

God is really faithful. No matter how long and how far, as long as He promised, whether you remember it or not, it will surely happen. For God is the first and the most powerful red light beater ever that no one can stop Him in giving a green light for His promises. :)

Hello to Heaven :)

It was in the morning of October 5 when I received the news that you made it and finally able to say, “Hello to heaven!”

Like what most of your friends reacted (at dahil isa ako dun) we couldn’t believe. At dahil ‘di talaga nagsisink-in sa utak ko, I asked one of your dearest leader na ‘di nagsasawang alagaan ka. I thought, ‘For sure sya alam nya.’ And so I asked, “anong nangyari, boss?” (‘boss’ is our call sign)

And the rest was the truth-hurts-but-you-must-face-it-anyway stage.

“Wala na si lem.”

I really didn’t know what to reply to that four-word-yet-so-shocking news so I said, “Aww. Huuggggg, boss. :(”

He responded, “Bakit ganun boss.”

I knew how it feels, the series of questions, the whys, the hows, the regrets and everything. I knew what’s going through with his family. I knew it. Because I was once like them. And mind you, no word can describe the pain. Likewise, no word can bring the total comfort. Total comfort from the reality of life na wala ka na. Plus the fact that after your burial days, we will never see and we will never be with your physical body again. Yung pagkamiss sa unforgettable moments with you sa bahay, sa church, sa school, in every celebration, sa Christmas, New Year, family reunions, and everything. Wala nang lahat. Wala na.

“God’s will, boss. God’s will.”

I replied.

After that, I chose to remain silent. My principle is that since I knew that I can’t really comfort them with my words, I must (at least) not add to the sadness that they feel. So I just reminded him that it is still the will of God. (though I’m not sure if those words brought even a bit comfort)

But even though I said that, I must confess this: I can’t blame his leader. When I was in that situation, I asked the same. And now, as I remain silent, I’m also asking God why.

 

“Dad, do you remember the faith of this boy? Grabe nga yung faith nya e. Even though tinapat na sya ng doctor na 20% na lang ang chance nyang gumaling, lumaban pa rin sya e. naaalala Mo po ba nung sinabi nya kay tita na, “nay, kapag gumaling na ako babalik ako sa ospital na yun. Magtetestimony ako kung pa’no ako pinagaling ni God.” Sobra kong na-inspire sa sinabi nya na yun. Dad, ang prayer ko lang naman po nun ‘wag Mo po sanang i-fail ang faith ng batang yun. But why is this happening? Nag-fail ka po ba sa faith Nya? Pati yung faith ng mga tao sa paligid nya? Bakit, Dad?”

And it took me how many days to realize everything.

Honestly, when I visited Lem, as I knew his situation and how he reacted on those, I had another view from God about faith. Marami akong nalaman, marami akong natutunan from him na hindi ko natutunan kahit noong nasa ganoong situation ako. And God is continuously revealing more to me by leading me to the one of the famous chapters in the Bible that tackles about faith.

“Faith is the assurance that the things we hope for will actually happen.” – Hebrews 11:1

Yes everybody wants him to be healed. Everybody wants Lem to join the worship time again, to go back into his ordinary life, to use again his talents for the glory of God, to attend youth gatherings, to go to school, to talk, laugh and eat with us again but on top of that, Lem’s heart is desiring for God’s will to be done. And his great desire took place.

‘I’m not yet convinced.’ I told myself.

So I read the whole chapter. The author stated the names of the people who had their faith that set them above the crowd. Then the verse 13-16 became a rhema to me. As for me, this made me realize the real meaning of faith.

“Each one of these people of faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance, waved their greeting, and accepted the fact that they were transients in this world. People who live this way make it plain that they are looking for their true home. If they were homesick for the old country, they could have gone back any time they wanted. But they were after a far better country than that – heaven country. You can see why God is so proud of them, and has a City waiting for them.” – Hebrews 11:13-16

Nasabi ko na lang, “Grabe, Lem. Eto pala yun. This is how your faith sets you above the crowd. You physically died and not yet having in your hand what was promised, yet you still believe anyway. Nakita mo na ‘to pero kahit masakit, tinanggap mo. Grabe yung faith mo. You’ll never know kung gaano ako nainspire nito personally and I believe, maraming ibang tao rin ang nainspire dito. Sobrang proud kami sayo. And ang nakakatuwa pa dun e, mas proud si Lord sayo. At hindi lang room in heaven ang naghihintay sayo. City ang naghihintay sayo.”

And with that, bigla tuloy akong nainggit. Haha. Parang gusto ko na rin, Dad. Pero sabi Nya, ‘sa tamang panahon.’

I’m amazed how God really moves through and in every situation. He uses every bit of happening to reveal something. And that something’s for our good.

Nauna ka lang mag-hello to heaven sa’min, Lem. Nauna lang ng konti yung tamang panahon mo. Pero yung impact ng faith mo na naiwan mo samen, lagi naming babaunin yun. See you very soon. We will miss you! ^_^

One Fine Pillow Maker

I have this habit to always open my window to welcome more air (except when I use aircon) before I get to sleep.

Last midnight, I was really interrupted with my sleep. There's a storm and its raining very heavy. I started to feel fear because I see, hear and feel the strong storm outside thru my window. Add this fact that I am staying alone in this thousand-square-meter building (this isn't our house though).

I prayed and prayed and I told God that I am really scared. I told Him to please stop the storm. I told Him about everything that I feel that moment. Then I felt a bit fine. The rain have gone now. God answered my plea. yippee!

But after a few minutes, the storm began to be strong again. This time, it’s more. As the rain became stronger, my fear rose higher. The rain began to come inside my room. I prayed again.

Then, I realized to close the window. So I did. After that, I didn’t hear nor see nor feel the rain anymore. This time, I smiled because that three-second window closing can change what I've felt. And guess what? I’m not afraid anymore. :)

 

Sometimes, we just have to choose. Choose to close that window that makes us see, feel and hear all the storms in life. And we can have our fear no more.

We may not stop those temporary storms, but we can have our faith that will make us smile in the midst of it.

Faith is as simple as choosing to close that window.

Finally, I was able to continue my sleep. thanks to my one fine pillow Maker! ;)